im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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