you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
