Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
