I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
