So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
