I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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