There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize