I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
