as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Come share oat with me in your robe
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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