do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
