I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
