I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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