his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
