Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
