after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
