Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
