Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
