What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
