I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
