I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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