i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
