me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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