Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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