my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
