Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
