I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
