bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
