she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
