I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
