Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
