Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
