i just had sex bonerless
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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