I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
