I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i want to swaddle you in tequila
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
