I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
