Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
