you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
