every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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