regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
