we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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