WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
