Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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