Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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