She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
