She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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