Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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