We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
