he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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