coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
