TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
