Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
