Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Your shirt... Was in my pants
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
