ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
