you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
