I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
its not stalking. its research.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
