I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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