Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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