I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
