i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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