If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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