You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize