My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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