You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
