Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
