She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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