oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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