Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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