You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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