Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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