it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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