bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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