Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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